Finally!
I have the time to write an update! Yokatta!
Yosha!
Let’s start! :)
Do
you remember? In my last post, I said I was not going to go and see him, right?
I even planned to come to Uni in the afternoon to avoid him. But then, I had to
attend the literacy skill-whatever session that I already signed up for. So, I
didn’t have any choice but to come in the morning. Then I thought to myself, “Maybe
I should just take a one last look at him before he leave?”
So,
that was my plan; I would just look at his smile from a far, where he couldn’t
see me.
HOWEVER,
that was not what happened on Saturday.
I
didn’t expect I would bump into him on my way to FASS building >< I was
with Awin when I saw him sitting alone at the CLT area. I could already see him
from afar and I was like, “Awin, that’s Ikki-san, right?”
But
Awin was like, “Where?” and kept walking forward. I had no choice but to
follow. As we came nearer, I became sure that was really Ikki-san! But it was
already too late to turn back so I only speed up when I walked passed him and
straight away headed to the Education building (instead of FASS building,
yeah). I saw Anan approaching him though…
When
I was sure that I was out of his view, Awin and I sat down at the nearest chair
(I’m sorry that I dragged you with me, Awin). My heart was beating so fast that
I thought I could die. Then I received a text from Anan. In the text, he told
me that Ikki-san actually had something to talk to me! Stupid Anan! My heart beat
that was already slowing down was going fast again!
I
tried to ignore Anan’s text and took a bite of the sandwich I had just bought
from the PMUbd shoppe… but I lost my appetite already. When I had already
calmed down a little, we finally decided to move from that place. But I was
worried that we would bump into Ikki-san again, so we used the back way…like NINJAS.
And thank God, we safely arrived in the library.
But
then, as we entered the library, I accidentally looked up and saw Ikki-san at
the first floor of the library. I was like, “Oh my…” and pretended that I didn’t
realize until that stupid Anan text-ed me again. He told me to look up and I
knew what he was trying to do. BAKA! He asked me to come up to the first floor
because he said Ikki-san got something to say. But I went to the second floor
instead.
And
my phone didn’t stop vibrating >.< ANAN! He kept sending me texts;
telling me to go to the first floor. He also sent me Ikki-san’s pictures! He
was pressuring me! I told him to stop but he didn’t listen at all. Then I left
the library, dragging Awin with me and went to the CLT! And I was planning to
just stay there until 10 am.
-First
floor…-
-First
floor…-
-Come
to the first floor…-
-This
could be last your chance to talk…-
-Selagi
hayat masih dikandung badan! - (Anan was being dramatic here ==’)
-To
the first floor!-
-First
floor…-
-Why
are you running away?-
Text
after text came in and they were all from Anan. My phone never stopped
vibrating. I did think of switching it off but then… this text came in, “Miki!
He’s going home soon!”
It
got me thinking… and I asked myself… What am I doing? Why am I running away? This
might be my last chance…
I
recalled back what Naru-baka said to me a day before.
“If
you run away, you’ll keep on wondering what could have happen if you did meet
up with him. Don’t be like me. I miss my chance to confess to the person I love
the most and even now I regret my decision. I keep on wondering what could have
happen if I confess… It hurts me wondering the very idea. I really think you so
go. Whatever happens, at least you have the comfort of knowing rather than the
hurt and the pain of wondering something of what could have happened.”
I
didn’t know what Ikki-san wanted to say to me but I was very sure that he
already found out everything. I thought so hard and in the end, I finally made
up my mind to confront him!
Well,
I can’t run away forever, right? And I also don’t want to go through the pain
of wondering.
So,
I met him.
I
was freaking nervous the moment I heard the sound of his footsteps from behind
me and I nearly explode when he said hi as he took a seat right next to me.
*Oh
my! My heart is still beating so fast right now as I remember back that moment!
>.<
And
he said, “I know everything, Miki”
I
swear! My heart just stopped functioning for a second there! I wanted to run
away! But…I had to listen to what he would say. I didn’t expect anything though
as I had already got a rough idea of what he was going to say. And I was right.
He
said thank you and he really appreciate the feeling I have for him. He said he
never thought he could make someone feel that strong emotion toward him. He
also told me that he never realized it until he accidentally read my last post
in this blog. I'm not sure if he have read everything... I mean from the post when his name was mentioned in this blog for the first time. Come to think about it, it was a year ago since I started writing about him... :') It started from a mini crush. How nostalgic... I never thought he would read...
I
wanted to cry but he told me not to. He said, just be cool. Of course it’s easy
for him, but me…? My heart felt like bursting. Seriously. He was so near! It
has been awhile since the last time I saw him so up close! I was so happy that
I didn’t run away.
He
said not to worry. He will be fine :) And his flight will most probably be on
25th September… yeah, so soon. I didn’t know what should I say so I just
listened quietly to him…
It
made me happy when he said we can still stay in contact after this and we will
definitely meet again real soon. This is not the end, he said. This is the
start of our friendship…, he said. Everything he said made me feel a lot better…
His words sent the feeling of happiness throughout my blood system and I could
feel that he’s really sincere… I really feel appreciated. Although he clearly
doesn’t feel the same way toward me as I feel toward him, this is already enough.
Yokatta
:’)
Ureshikatta.
Hontou ni ureshikatta.
Then,
he had to leave because he needed to settle some stuffs but he did remind me
that we will definitely meet again real soon :) and that meeting ended… like
that.
Right
after he was out of view, I cried! I cried so hard than Awin had to calm me a
bit. I was so happy. I’m glad that it’s Ikki-san. I’m glad that he is the guy I
fell in love with. You see… he is really nice. I know, for him, I am just a
friend… Even though, he is aware about my feeling for him, he didn’t avoid me,
instead he came to see me.
“Thank
you. I really appreciate it”
How
many men in this world would actually say those?
He
is a one in a million.
I
am glad that it’s Ikki-san that I fell in love with! I am glad that I didn’t
run away and listened to him :’)
Arigatou,
Ikki-san! Hontou ni Arigatou!
It
is obviously a one-sided love, but I am happy! I really am! Thank you! Ikki-san,
thank you! Ne, I forgot to ask you this one important question… Is it okay for me to
keep liking you?
I
really like you! So, can I keep this feeling even after you left to UK
I
will not expect anything in return! I promise! I know my place. I know where I stand :)
I
like you! :D
Yosh…
I wish you all the best in UK
Ikki-san,
until we meet again, you will always be in my heart, in shaa Allah. And NO! I’m
not going to expect anything in return :) Don’t worry! I’ll be okay!
Etto…I
don’t know what else to write… ><
To
end this post, I want to say it once again,
I
am glad that it’s YOU.
Sayonara
:) (for now)
-
Miki Ariake
PS:
I really want to say a big thank you to ANAN for everything. For the first time
ever, in my life, I am glad that I know you, Anan. It was thanks to you that I
got to talk to Ikki-san. Thank you, Anan! Thank you so much.
PSS:
Anan, I know you complained about being my middleman… but let me remind you… I
never asked for it! YOU volunteered yourself!
PSSS:
And Anan! Don’t think that I don’t know what you chanted when I was taking a
picture of memory with Ikki-san ==’ Awin told me!
PSSS:
Thank you, Anan…Awin :’)
PSSSS:
(I promise this will be the last PS*) Thank you, Ikki-san :) I will cherish
this feeling that you have given me. For now, I want to stay in love with you~
without expecting anything in return, I promise. So you don't have to mind me :) I will be okay! ;D
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