A fan and The Star

For the past few days, I have been dying to write something on this blog. But there was nothing to write about. You guys might want to know what happened after that day, right. Well, nothing happened. I never see him again after that day. Oh well, as soon as I got home, I re-activated my twitter account and followed his so that I can always be updated about him. Sounds like a stalker, well yeah, you can call me that but I prefer calling myself a FAN. Because he is my star :)

It’s just like me and Yuto. Get it?

I don’t want to be a special fan or whatever; I just want to be someone who will always support him in whatever he is doing. I will be watching him from afar and pray for the best for him.

Just a fan, yeah, that’s it.

Everyday, while walking around the UBD area, I can still see his shadow everywhere. Like when I go to the cafeteria, I can still see him sitting there, eating his meal with his friend. When I go to the library and look up to the first floor, I can still see him sitting there, laughing with his friend. Student centre, CLT, chancellor hall, PMUBD Shoppe everywhere… but the memories do not bring me pain at all. Instead, they make me smile.

Every time, when I’m feeling down or feel like giving up, his smile on the wallpaper of my phone will cheer me up and for the rest of the day, I will be able to give my best.

Everything was good up until this morning when I looked at the calendar. Just a few days left until 25^th September. Now the fact that he is leaving soon hit me again. He is going to somewhere far… and the possibility to bump into him in UBD that I always look forward to everyday… will no longer be there.

It hurts me… But, obviously there is nothing I can do about it. So yeah, I can only pray for his safety and let him go. LOL! There is NO WAY I would go to the airport running and crying begging him not to leave! Who am I? I’m nobody. Plus, my life has too much drama already and I’m seriously tired.

So I will just keep this FAN-STAR relationship and that is enough to make me at least feel less sad :) I like him a lot and I will keep this feeling as my motivator to continue doing my best. We will meet again, he said. And I want to believe in that. When that time comes, I’m not sure if I still have the same feeling toward him, but seriously, to MOVE ON for now will take a VERY LONG time. I want to keep this feeling as long as I can even though it will hurt me in the end :) I can definitely handle the pain.

I will be fine.

I know I will be fine.

Ikki-san, until I finally found someone who can make my heart skip a beat like you did over a year ago, half of my heart is all yours. I don’t mind if you are going to keep it or throw it away… All I know is just that I have only half with me right now.

- Miki Ariake