Hei,
I
don’t have any particular topic to talk about right now. But, I feel like
talking about Ikki-san. Anan told me this morning that… ten more days left and
Ikki-san will be off to UK
*I’m
not sure if that is just one of Anan’s lies ==’ I will kill him if he lied.
Although
I said that I have moved on but I still found myself looking around for him in
uni. My heart is still beating so fast every time I think about him. When I am
alone, I would found myself calling out his name out of blue.
Yesterday,
when I logged in into my FaceBook account, I suddenly had the urge to check his
acc and I ended up reading whatever on his timeline (even those from the period
when I hadn’t met him yet). Yeah sure! Go on and call me a stalker.
But
that is the only way, the only way I can know more about him. I cannot say that
now I know everything about him after doing that but I can say that I now know
a little about his past. Actually, he is like me; someone who keeps a lot to
himself. He is always smiling, almost all of the time, he is nice to everyone.
But actually, he is always hiding something. He can be sad, angry and hurt. And
when he’s hurt, he tends to rely on himself.
When
I looked through his pictures and saw his smiling face, I realized how much I
missed it; the smile. I wanted to go back to the time when we were in the same
class. Those time when I could stay near by his side without being noticed. I
don’t mind if he won’t look at me because I know my place. I know where I
stand. I’m just someone he knows. I’m no one important.
Last
night, when he updated his status on FaceBook, I found myself typing a comment
on it. “I feel like crying”, he said. I don’t know what happened but I hate
that statement because I like his smile.
Everything
happened so fast but we talked. It was just a short one but at least, I feel a
little relieved. At least I got to talk to him. Although it was just on
FaceBook but I feel happy. And when he said “Thanks for cheering me up”, I feel
like I have accomplished something that I never ever thought I would.
Arigatou,
Ikki-san, for making me feel this happy. I know for you it was just nothing.
You were simply talking to a friend and nothing special about it. But for me,
it’s a whole different thing.
I
know you will never like me back but I still want to say this.
I
like you. I really like you and there are a lot of reasons why I like you. But,
I will never be able to say it directly to you.
Because
I know who I am.
And
I know what your answer will be.
You
are like a star that I will never be able to reach.
It’s
okay this way. Plus, I prefer it this way too.
Thank
you so much. I will never regret that I like you. Because, liking you has been
fun and is one of the best periods of my life. I will cherish this feeling.
Always. It is more than enough already.
Thank
you for letting me knows that you will be in Uni on this Saturday in the morning but
I won’t go and see you. I don't have the courage. Gomenasai, it is time for me to move on completely. But
I will always remember you, Ikki-san, even though you will probably forget
everything about me soon. I wish you all the best and…
Sayonara~
-
Miki Ariake
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