Assalamu'alaikum
warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,
I
don't have to mention any name but you know who you are...
Dear
you,
Today,
22nd September, I re-installed my Telegram app... and only
then, I received the text that you sent on September 14. I was too
surprised that I cried so hard. I wasn't expecting any text from you
anymore since the day I made it hard for you and us. Because I was
convinced that you hated me. I was sure that you wouldn't wanna be my
friend anymore. So I thought it would be best to let you go. And I
did after battling so hard with myself. I thought that would be the
best for you and me.
But
it was really difficult for me.
Because
it was so comfortable around you. It was so fun spending my time with
you. It was always great to be able to talk about almost everything
with you. It was amazing that I had no problem in being myself when I
was with you. It was enjoyable to tease you. It was such a motivation
to have someone who is aiming for the same goal and is actually
serious about it too.
Honestly
saying, everywhere I go, everything seems to remind me of you. We
shared too many memories together that all of my fav places have a
memory of you even if it just a tiny little one. I can't help it but
to think to myself if I did the right thing to actually let go of
someone who has always been there for me and my dream just because I
lost to my own ego? There were times when I hated myself for giving
in to this stupid ego.
I
realized that you blocked me on instagram and Facebook... you must
really hate me now. I deserve that. I'm such an attention seeker... I
know. All I wanted was for you ask if I was alright and telling me
that everything was going to be fine and maybe a simple "cheer
up!"... I never thought that because of my immaturity, things
ended this way.
I'm
sorry. I'm sorry for everything.
I
am really glad that I met you in my life. I'm glad that we became
friends or like we always claimed "rival". I never regret
the fact that we met. You have been a good friend/rival. You have
been an awesome listener to my problems and always giving me the best
advices you could. And I always thought that it was amazing that you
always seemed to be there whenever I was in trouble.
Remember
that time when we met in UBD for the Islamic Awareness Week
exhibition? And I was suddenly running away from something and asked
you to send me home? Without asking, you said yes and then we were on
the way to your car and bumped into Ka Raudhah... when she asked what
happened and I couldn't answer... you said to her, "She needs a
hug" and I really cried in her arms while you waited. I never
get to say how thankful I was to you that day...
Also,
when it was raining so hard and I was stuck at the core but I had a
class starting soon. You came to pick me up.
Also,
that one day when I needed to buy something and it was urgent. I
didn't know who to ask for help and thought of you. You came right
away.
And
the most recent one, you probably still remember this one... yeah,
the "heatstroke" incident. If you weren't there, I would
not know what to do.
Now
that I really think about it, you have done a lot for me. A lot more
that I won't mention in here. Yet that night, I was mad just because
you didn't try to cheer me up. I'm sorry... I'm sorry for being so
immature. I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore
after this... it was my fault anyway.
I
thought of ignoring the text, but I can't. I don't want to leave
things unsettled. I don't want to let you keep on having the thought
that I don't want to talk to you again when I am dying to text you.
Whenever something good happen and I feel like sharing it with
someone, I always thought of you. When I see anything Stitch
somewhere, I feel like snapping a pic of it and send it to you. It's
frustrating that I can't do stuffs like that anymore. I'm not blaming
anyone. I'm blaming myself.
And
for sure, I am going to live with this guilt forever.
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