I feel bad

Okay, I will post about my Raya experience after this. Right now, I really need to share this. 

So, it was true that he got a U for the subject because he entered the class just now. I was...I don't know how should I describe this feeling but I was glad...? That is why I feel really bad right now. I was actually happy that he didn't pass the subject. He looked kind of disappointed and depressed when I saw him this morning. Obviously, he is not happy with his result. And since he can't drop the subject so he didn't get an additional PS period.

I actually feel very guilty for being happy over his bad result. I know I shouldn't! But the thought of still being able to see him in class made me so happy. I feel so bad that I couldn't even look at him in the face during the class earlier. What should I do?

Yes, it looks like I still have a mini crush on him. But as I said in my previous posts, he is nice to everyone so...I shouldn't put my hopes high. I think I'm just gonna watch him for a far or just act like how I normally act around him before I realized that I like him. And he mustn't know about my feeling toward him because that would make our relationship more awkward than now. Honestly, I feel comfortable already with just being a classmate of him. It's enough. And I'm not hoping for anything. At all. Plus, it is just a mini crush anyway.

And...it's no time to think about that kind of things! Now, now, now! I need to concentrate on my studies and aim for an excellent result for the coming November AS/A2 examination! Yosh! Make your own manipulation and success! That is what my senior from my martial art class, Ryoshi Ryu once said to me. Oh, talking about him, I wonder how is he doing right now. Haven't seen him for a while now. Geez, every time I recall back that old times, I feel like laughing out loud.

Let me share this with you guys. Actually, I was in love with Ryu (well, I thought I was) but then it only lasted for not more than a year. And it turned out to be just a mini crush. Exactly how I am feeling toward Ikki-san right now. When I first know Ryu from FaceBook, I found out that he was someone so different than others and because of our mutual interest which is Japan, we became close and talked to each other a lot. And then, he suddenly invited to join the martial art class that he was in and I did. That was how I found myself falling for him.

But as I said, that feeling didn't stay that long and now it is already completely disappeared! Hahaha. After awhile, I realized that he is not like what I thought. Not my type at all.

So the point here is, I really am a girl that can easily fall for a guy xD And then gradually, that feeling, without me realizing it would be gone! All of sudden! Hahaha. So same can be applied to the feeling I'm having toward Ikki-san right now. It came all of sudden just because he treated me so nicely and I'm sure, soon, it will be gone without me realizing it myself.

I should stop talking about this already! Enough! Enough! Hahah xD  I will share my Raya experience later xD Jyaa!

- Miki Ariake