An update after so long

 Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Hi everyone! Lol! I'm not even sure if anyone is still reading this blog. My last update was long time ago and I know I made a promise to write a post where I will be sharing about my Japan trip back in 2014. Well, I don't think I can fulfill that promise anymore. To those who have been looking forward to it, I am truly sorry. 

A lot of things have happened to me for the past few years. Good and bad, they are all there. But I don't have the time to share everything here. This post will just be a quick update on how I have been doing so far.

I'm 29 years old now and I have matured a lot too. I graduated from university in 2017 and currently I am working as a supervisor at a restaurant. Well, I have worked a lot of different jobs before this one, lol! I have been here and there. I met a lot people too and have went through a lot to be where I am right now. I am still looking for a more stable job but my job right now is keeping me busy with a lot of responsibilities.

No worries, I am just going to keep it slow and steady. I believe as long as I live my life with positivity, good things will happen to me. Oh well, a lot of good things have came my way for past few years too! One of them is... I finally met my soulmate and I am happily married to him! Yes, you read that correctly. I am married! December 4 was already our 2nd wedding anniversary and not lying, I am happy. Of course there are ups and downs in marriage but I'm more than grateful than I am going through them with my husband.

My husband is a few years younger than me but he is a lot more mature. He is a good husband and I really love him. We met back in 2019 when I was working as service crew at a food court. We were work colleague back then. I fell for him at first sight and a lot of things happened after that. I was rejected by him once because he liked someone else but we stayed friends. If I were to share all the events leading to us finally together, it is going to take a super long post. Anyway, we are together now and we love each other more than anything, that is more than enough, 

No, we do not have kids yet. It's not that we do not want any children. Believe me, we tried. However, probably God thinks it is not the right time yet. When it's time, I'm sure it will come. We are going to live it to fate but will still be trying :) 

Umm. I guess that is all for now. I am not sure when will I be writing another post but... until we meet again! Bye! 

To The One and Only: You.

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

I don't have to mention any name but you know who you are...

Dear you,

Today, 22^nd September, I re-installed my Telegram app... and only then, I received the text that you sent on September 14. I was too surprised that I cried so hard. I wasn't expecting any text from you anymore since the day I made it hard for you and us. Because I was convinced that you hated me. I was sure that you wouldn't wanna be my friend anymore. So I thought it would be best to let you go. And I did after battling so hard with myself. I thought that would be the best for you and me.

But it was really difficult for me.

Because it was so comfortable around you. It was so fun spending my time with you. It was always great to be able to talk about almost everything with you. It was amazing that I had no problem in being myself when I was with you. It was enjoyable to tease you. It was such a motivation to have someone who is aiming for the same goal and is actually serious about it too.

Honestly saying, everywhere I go, everything seems to remind me of you. We shared too many memories together that all of my fav places have a memory of you even if it just a tiny little one. I can't help it but to think to myself if I did the right thing to actually let go of someone who has always been there for me and my dream just because I lost to my own ego? There were times when I hated myself for giving in to this stupid ego.

I realized that you blocked me on instagram and Facebook... you must really hate me now. I deserve that. I'm such an attention seeker... I know. All I wanted was for you ask if I was alright and telling me that everything was going to be fine and maybe a simple "cheer up!"... I never thought that because of my immaturity, things ended this way.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.

I am really glad that I met you in my life. I'm glad that we became friends or like we always claimed "rival". I never regret the fact that we met. You have been a good friend/rival. You have been an awesome listener to my problems and always giving me the best advices you could. And I always thought that it was amazing that you always seemed to be there whenever I was in trouble.

Remember that time when we met in UBD for the Islamic Awareness Week exhibition? And I was suddenly running away from something and asked you to send me home? Without asking, you said yes and then we were on the way to your car and bumped into Ka Raudhah... when she asked what happened and I couldn't answer... you said to her, "She needs a hug" and I really cried in her arms while you waited. I never get to say how thankful I was to you that day...

Also, when it was raining so hard and I was stuck at the core but I had a class starting soon. You came to pick me up.

Also, that one day when I needed to buy something and it was urgent. I didn't know who to ask for help and thought of you. You came right away.

And the most recent one, you probably still remember this one... yeah, the "heatstroke" incident. If you weren't there, I would not know what to do.

Now that I really think about it, you have done a lot for me. A lot more that I won't mention in here. Yet that night, I was mad just because you didn't try to cheer me up. I'm sorry... I'm sorry for being so immature. I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore after this... it was my fault anyway.

I thought of ignoring the text, but I can't. I don't want to leave things unsettled. I don't want to let you keep on having the thought that I don't want to talk to you again when I am dying to text you. Whenever something good happen and I feel like sharing it with someone, I always thought of you. When I see anything Stitch somewhere, I feel like snapping a pic of it and send it to you. It's frustrating that I can't do stuffs like that anymore. I'm not blaming anyone. I'm blaming myself.

And for sure, I am going to live with this guilt forever.

But I want you to know... I miss talking to you. I miss arguing with you. Yeah, I miss you. And I'd never hate you unless I go crazy. I like you. I'm sorry... and thank you for everything...

Our last Ramadhan and Raya together

Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh~

Hey.

It's been awhile since the last time I posted something here. Sorry.

Life has been tough for me.

When I wrote my last post, I was in Korea. Well, that was months ago. I spent 4 months away from my country and my family. It was tough but I gained a lot of experience and achieved quite a lot of stuffs that I thought I would never be able achieved.

Maybe, when I have the time, I will share a little bit of my experience and things that I did in Korea.

Anyway, I came back somewhere toward the end of June this year. So basically I have been back here in Brunei for almost three months already.

First of all, Alhamdulillah because I got to spend two weeks of Ramadhan and Hari Raya with my family this year too. If only I was chosen to do my Discovery Year in Japan last time, I wouldn't be able to come back before Raya but I didn't. Allah's plan is always for the best. Alhamdulillah.

I was really happy to spend Hari Raya with my family this year because being away from them for four months was almost unbearable. This year was the best Raya for me... yet... it was also the saddest one...

Yeah...

Because we lost a family member.

10^th Syawal... 15^th July 2016,

My beloved grandfather, that we all loved a lot, the kind grandfather... the only grandfather I had left at that time...

He passed away. On a Friday morning.

I never thought that this year's Raya was the last Raya that I got to spend with him. Never that I thought he would leave us that day.

I miss him.

I still have so much to talk to him.

I want to apologize for a lot of things.

I haven't been telling him that I love him a lot lately.

The last time I held his hand, I never thought that it would be the last time.

It saddens me a lot that he wouldn't be there on my graduation day next year, waiting for me with a proud smile at the door of my house.

It hurts me a lot.

I miss him a lot.

I miss him a lot.

The house doesn't feel the same again without him though sometimes, I could still feel his presence... His voice is still lingering in my ears and I can still remember everything that he ever said to me and things that he told other people about me.

Ya Allah, please grant my grandfather, Haji Saban bin Sidup your Jannah.

What is life?

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

Hi! I'm sorry for missing in action for the past few months. LOL! I know I haven't completed the post on my Japan trip, which happened in 2014. And I also is still in the middle of writing my new year special post – memories of 2015. I wish I could do everything on time... instead of keep postponing things. But a lot of things happened.

And guess where am I right now?

Okay, let me break it to you.

I'm in South Korea right now. Yep. South Korea.

Tomorrow will be my fourth day here. Oh wait, it is already my forth day here.

Why am I here?

For Student Exchange Programme.

I will be an exchange student at Sookmyung Women's University.

Orientation is gonna start tomorrow.

This is just a short update, anyway. I don't really have time to actually write a long update.

I'm tired.

And it wasn't a really good day for me.

First, I don't feel well.

Second, everything happened too fast.

Third, language barrier sucks.

Forth, this is not my world.

Fifth, no one understand my world.

Sixth, I miss my family.

Seventh, I hate not 'stepping outside'.

Eighth, people need to stop being too paranoid.

Ninth, it was the first day of my monthly period.

Tenth, I just want to talk to someone.

I feel like crying.

I really want to cry.

I hope tomorrow will be better.

Umm. That is all. I guess.

Don't feel like sharing any photos for now.

Not yet.

DEAN'S LIST

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh!

Hi guys. So, did you read my last post about the first day of my Japan trip? Sorry if it wasn't as entertaining as you expected it would be vyt I tried my best. I'm not sure when will I be posting the next part because I haven't compile all the photos yet but insyaAllah it will be soon.

At the moment, I am very busy because soon I have two presentations to do (on the 28^th of this month and on the 1^st of next month) and I also have a 3k words essay to submit in less that two weeks time but I haven't even started anything yet. As usual, I think I will start it at the very last minutes.

Btw, I have something to tell you guys! It's a good news! Actually, it already reached me last week :) Oh what is it? Hehe. I won a place on the Dean's List! Honestly, I have no idea what a Dean's List is though but if according to the letter that the postman delivered to my house, it is a good thing :)

Here is the what the letter says.

Alhamdulillah :)

I didn't expect this at all, to be honest. But anyway,I am now very motivated to keep doing my best in my studies to achiever something even better than this. InsyaAllah. I will work harder from now on.

Ren in Japan - Part one -

Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh!

Hey there! I'm here!

Actually I was going to write on something else but then I remembered that I haven't fulfilled my promise yet so yeah... today I am here to share a little bit of my experience visiting Japan last year! It will be brief but don't worry there will be a lot of pictures for you to enjoy. InsyaAllah.

(btw!! please please please ignore my spelling or grammar errors! Because I'm too lazy to re-read everything for errors. Urghh! That is all! Hahaha XD)

So, let's get started?

Before departure, we had a meeting to decide what would be our part during the programme. Every each of us had to have a role :D So, when Azy, Azreena and Akmal said that they wanted to be involved in the performing team, I decided to join in too :3 So since that day, we all met up almost everyday to practice the dance that we would be performing in Japan :D 

Our flight was on 29^th September 2014. From Brunei airport, we didn't go straight to Japan as there was no direct flight to Japan. We had to stop at Kuala Lumpur for a few hours before leaving to Japan. It was my first time getting on a plane after more than 15 years. The last time I went overseas was when I was four year old. That was long time ago. So, this time, I was kinda nervous yet excited at the same time.

On the first flight to Kuala Lumpur, I sat together in the same row with Azy and Azreena. Actually, that wasn't the original sitting arrangement but because the three of us were too clingy, Azy swapped her seat with Rido – real name is Farid btw (who was also one of us). When the plane was about to take off, Azreena gripped my hand tight and I became even more nervous. LOL. But alhamdulillah. Everything was fine after that.

And we safely landed in Kuala Lumpur! It was my first time being there too. Hahaha. We were told that we would only be there for about two hours at most so we were not allowed to leave the airport and we had to stick together with our already assigned group. I was in group two, together with Azy, Azreena, Akmal and Muzafil. All the five of us had to keep an eye on each other and Muzafil as the leader, he would have to take care of us. It's called the buddy-to-buddy system.

Before departure

Group two! :D With Akmal, Azy, Azreena and Muzafil as the leader

I didn't really know what can I do there so I only followed the others around. I had to admit, our group is really the naughtiest especially with Azy and Azreena. Hahah. When it was time to get to the next flight, we got some burgers from the Burger King and hurried to the gate where we were handed our tickets and the seating arrangement.

I didn't sit with Azy or Azreena this time. But Nabil and Ann. Wait, not Nabil as in the guy with the powerful smile but another Nabil. LOL. Anyway, we were using Japanese airlines! So yesh, we were in a Japanese plane with Japanese stewardess. Pretty stewardess. Umm. Let's just make the story short.

Anyway, it was a 6-7 hours flight. After filling up our stomach, the others were all in their own world and some even already started getting ready to sleep. I tried to sleep to but I couldn't. So I browse through the list of movies they have and chose one to watch. I was watching an English movie but it was damn boring so I checked the Japanese movies list and found this one with the title... umm.... I even forgot the title. Wait. Lemme check.

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Found it! It's called Sukitte Ii nayo. The male main lead was very good looking and the story plot was fine too, so I watched it until the end. It was a great movie. Finished with that one, I tried to watch another but there was nothing else to watch. So I checked the MP3 Playlist and chose one with Japanese songs that I don't even know whose the singer nor the title. Then, with the headphone still attached to my head, I fell asleep.

Sukitte Ii Na Yo :P

Sitting next to me were Nabil and Ann

Sexy Zone's song on the MP3 list <3

The next morning! We finally arrived in Japan!! OMG!! I was in Japan! Seriously! I finally stepped my feet on the Japanese ground! It was like a dream came true! The moment I stepped out of the plane and breathed in the air, it felt so different. I have always dreamed to go to Japan but I didn't expected it'd be this soon so it still felt as if I was dreaming.

Just like I promised to Asuki back in Brunei before we got on the plane, I snapped a picture of my feet standing on the Japanese ground and sent it to our group.

Tadaaa!!

Narita airport was pretty vast and they also provided an open wifi connection :3 And the connection is amazingly fast. Once connected, everyone focused on their own phone, mostly to update their family back in Brunei. I texted my parents too :)

Narita Airport

After retrieving our baggages that have arrived at the airport earlier, we hurried to the place where the person assigned to guide us was waiting.

Waiting for us at the airport was Miss Nakajima. YES YES! I KNOW RIGHT! She's a Nakajima! But of course, she isn't related to Yuto Nakajima. Lol.

Okay, let's shorten the story.

Anyway, inside the airport was pretty hot that I had to take off the blazer I was wearing. I was wondering if the air-conditioner wasn't working. But, the moment we stepped outside, it was freezing cold. Well, what do you expect.. It was around early Autumn/fall during that time we arrived. Then, we got into a bus before heading to a restaurant where we would be having our first lunch in Japan.

I sat with Akmal, she is like my first close friend in the group, other than Azy and Reena. I love being around her because she's really nice and a very fun person. The best thing about her is that we share the same hobby which is spying for good looking guys and we even almost fall for the same guy! Umm, actually we did but I'll just save that story for later. Anyway, we were sitting at the back part of the bus and everyone was very loud especially the people at the most back seats; Nabil, Ann, Apis, Azy and Azreena. Hahaha.

Everyone was excited. We were like little kids that have just been released after being stuck for years at home. We pointed at everthing we saw. Even the traffic lights amazed us. We were like,

"Wow wow! Look at that!"

"Omg what is that!?"

"The traffic lights are everywhere!"

"Is that a taxi?"

"Pachinko!!!"

"Ku-rin-nin-gu---" (She was trying to read some katakana and hiragana characters on random buildings and boards, hahaha)

"Sailormoon!"

Tokyo was amazing. Everything was amazing! I seriously couldn't believe it that I was looking at Tokyo. It was the same sight like the one we always see in Japanese dramas and movies. The streets and the buildings... omg! I thought I would only be seeing them in movies or dramas. I never thought that I would be seeing them with my own two eyes. It was not a sight that you can see everyday. Is this a dream? That is the question that I kept asking myself in my head.

That's Akmal next to me :3 And Azy and Azreena over there too

On the bus :3 From my seat

Looooook at thattttt!!

Umm. My feet.

I don't remember our first destination was. But it was either to Ginza for lunch or to the Imperial Palace. I'm sorry I have a very bad memory. Hahaha. Anyway, it's either way. I will just assumed that we went for lunch first.

For our first lunch in Japan, we were brought to Ginza; one of the most famous shopping districts in Japan. We got out of the bus a few walk away from the restaurant so we got to experience walking on the city street for the first time! It was just like how we always see in movies and dramas. There were a lot of pedestrians and seriously, lotsa shops selling branded stuffs. I'm not familiar with most of the brands though but Azy and Azreena were both freaking out, oh well, freaking out as in "OMG!! LOOK AT THAT LOOK AT THIS!" hahaha!

Ginza street! Excuse my 'bangas' face.

I was expecting Japanese cuisines for lunch but they brought us to an Indian restaurant instead. But hey, I didn't mind as long as my stomach is filled. The Indian restaurant was located in one of the tall narrow building in the area and on the 7^th or 8^th floor I think. The lift was tiny so we had to take turn before all 23 of us reached the restaurant.

It was amazing how the people there welcomed us very warmly and they sure were friendly to the max. It seemed like the whole restaurant was booked for us. The restaurant was small but it was comfortable. I sat at a table together with Azy, Azreena and Akmal. The food was nice and they served different types of curry. I love the spicy one though it wasn't as spicy as I expected it to be. Every time we finished a plate, the waitress would come back and replaced the empty plate with another one, until we were all full and couldn't eat anymore. The service they provided was amazing.

Wait...

Now that I think I about it, I think we went to visit Imperial Palace first before we went for lunch! Hahaha XD

Alright, let's move on to the visit to the imperial palace.

So The Imperial Palace is the first place that we visited in Tokyo. We hadn't even have shower nor change our clothes yet. Actually, we haven't check in to any hotel yet. Anyway! The visit to Imperial Palace was fun! We took a lot of pictures and had so much fun. There was a vast park nearby and we went there. We even laid down on the green grass. It was so clean over there. I could actually lie there the whole day while staring at the blue wide sky.

Here are some information on the Tokyo Imperial Palace. Please wait for a few seconds while I google it. Yes, GOOGLE it. Hahahaha XD

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"The Tokyo Imperial Palace is the main residence of the Emperor of Japan. It is a large park area locted in the Chiyoda ward of Tokyo and contains buildings including the main palace, the private residences of the imperial family, and archive, museums and administrative offices. It is built on the site of the old Edo Castle. The total area incluing the gardens is 3.41 square kilometres. During the height if the 1980s Japaese property bubble, the palace grounds were valued byh some to be more than the value of all the real estate in the state of California" (Wikipedia).

Takuya-san (our coordinator) did explain to us about the Imperial Palace but I was too busy enjoying the view that I didn't pay attention at all. Hahaha. We took a hell lots of pictures!

At the park, there was a small shop that sells mini souvenirs like bookmarks, keychains and magnet. I wanted to buy some but it was only our first day in Japan and I didn't bring so much money. Plus, I was sure that we would diefinitely come across another souvenir shops. So, I bought an ice cream instead!! From a vending machine! A vending machine! Isn't that cool!? I was so fascinated! It has so many different types of ice cream.

While enjoying the ice cream, Takuya-san called and instructed us to get on the bus because it was already time to leave. We couldn't bring food into the bus so I had to throw away my unfinished ice cream. So sad.

Bought this from the vending machine. It tastes really good.

And then, we went into a shopping mall (I don't remember why were there by the way) but all of us got to the roof top! The view was amazing!

Mi name tag!

Shinkansen!

Double decker... or whatever you call it.

Anyway, when the sun was about to set, we were brought to a building in Tokyo for an official orientation. We arrived there a little earlier and because it was time for Maghrib prayer, we asked our supervisors and Takuya-san to let us perform our prayer first. The Japanese are really helpful. They quickly prepared us a place where we could perform our prayer.

After waiting for a while, JENESYS participants from other countries finally made an appearance and there were a lot of them. We were all then briefed about the programmes, what are we going to do, the places we will be visiting and yeah, stuffs like that.

It was long day and all of us were already exhausted. The excitement was slowly fading away and most of us were now complaining. Hahaha. And yeah, me too, of course. We have been wearing the same clothes from the day before, we hadn't had a chance to shower too. We needed to freshen up. Hahaha. After an hour or so, we were finally moving! Yay!

When we left the building, it was already dark and seriously freezing cold! We hurried to our bus for some warmth.

Tokyo at night was even more amazing that during the day! The excitement came back, though some of us had fallen asleep in the bus. I seriously in love with the night view of Tokyo.

The bus was full of laughter. I love how everyone played well with each other even though most of us have only met for the first time a few weeks before the departure, back in Brunei. I love this group of people!

Especially those sitting at the back part of the bus. They are all very loud. We even played some weird riddle games and laughed a lot. I love them!

We finally arrived at the hotel where we would be staying for the night and the next night. It is called East 21 Tokyo. After recieving our own card keys, we all headed to our respective rooms with our luggage. I shared the room with Ann and Rasyidah, as have been decided by our coordinator. Awesome hotel room by the way! Heeee.

Done checking in and stuffs, we gathered immediately at the lobby because earlier we had agreed that we would have dinner first before we shower and stuffs. At the ground floor of the hotel, we could find supermarket, DAISO and a restaurant. Dinner that night was Japanese cuisine! Oh oh! Before I forgot, there was a rule that every time before we eat, we had to wash our hands and check our body temperature. This is very important!

Done with dinner, we finally called it a day and everyone went back into their room. I felt very refreshed after showering! Once changed into new fresh clothes, I went to sleep.... I think.

Ah, anyway, I guess, that is all for the post this time. I will write a continuation post soon :3 There is still a lot more to share! Espcially on the second day where we visited the Asakusa Temple! The night escape plan! Shhh... and my first meeting with Ban-san.

PS: (btw!! please please please ignore my spelling or grammar errors! Because I'm too lazy to re-read everything for errors. Urghh! That is all! Hahaha XD)

Sorry. I just have to add this.