Nihon, I am coming.

Assalamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh!

Ne, still remember about the interview for JENESYS? It was on one of my previous post. What I am going to share is somehow related to it.

Bismillahirahmannirrahim,

Two days after the interview, I received an email saying that I wasn’t chosen for the program. To be honest, I was, of course disappointed. But I have always believed there is always a reason behind things that happen in the world. I was sure that Allah has another plan for me :)

Approximately about a week later, I received an email about another batch of JENESYS and this batch will be flying on the 29^th September and will be back in Brunei on the 8^th of October. Because I didn’t want to waste the chance, I immediately printed out the form and filled it up. However, once I finished filling in the form, I read the requirement and regulation and only then I found out that only students age from 15-18 can apply for it. Feeling disappointed and depressed, I put away the form that I have just completed.

“I should have read the requirement first before filling in the form. I have just wasted an hour doing something useless” I thought to myself.

The next day! It was on Tuesday, I didn’t have class after 10 am and I had nothing to do so Azy offered me to join her to her Analysing Written Genre class (I already took this module during my VERY first semester in UBD). They were having a test – it was an open book test- so I just sat quietly at the back. Alex, their lecturer, saw me and asked what I was doing there. I told him that I had nothing to do so I decided to be in the class and he didn’t seem to care.

I was so bored and about to fall asleep when my phone vibrated. I looked at the screen and it was a number I think I have seen before. It looked important. So I quickly answered the call.

“Is this *insert my full name*? I am Mariah from the HEP office. I am calling to inform you that you are chosen for JENESYS 2.0 batch ‘Japanese Language’ that will be, in shaa Allah, flying off on the 29^TH September”

When I heard that, my reaction was,

What?

Chosen?

JENESYS?

Japanese Language?

I was so clueless. I did apply for the JENESYS mass media but I failed the interview. I don’t remember applying for the Japanese Language one…  So I asked back, “Wait, I didn’t apply for that one…”

And the caller told me to just submit another new form to her as soon as possible and she confirmed again that I am already chosen and apparently they looked at my previous interview. After she hung up, I quickly turned to Azy and I was like, “Azy! I am chosen for JENESYS!”

I was so happy!!! But that happiness didn’t even last a day because I became unsure if I heard what she said correctly… What if, I heard it wrong and actually, I wasn’t confirm chosen yet… I felt happy for no reason then. I texted Azreena about the call and she was like all fired up and she told me that she wanted to try and submit the form too. Haha XD She canceled her date with her mom and came to UBD instead. She even brought me back to my house to get the form that I have already completed the night before.

When I held the form in my hand, I still couldn’t believe that I was submitting it after all. Lol… Thank God, I didn’t rip it or throw it away last night and… me and Azreena finally submitted the forms to HEP office. The next day Azy also submitted hers.

That night, I couldn’t help but to think about the call earlier. Did I hear it right? I still didn’t want to believe it. In the email, it says, they would give the short listed people a call to inform them the date for the interview. So I thought… “Let’s not put too much hope first and let’s just wait for the call”

Two days had passed… It was on Thursday and I was at that time in AVC class with Azy. The lecturer gave us five minutes break… when I suddenly got a call from HEP. This time, she was asking me about my passport. “We need you to renew your passport by Saturday… Please. You know you are chosen already, right?”

Chosen.

Okay. She said it again.

Still my brain could not believe it just like that. I kept asking myself, “Am I chosen for real?”

But... I did renew my passport right away. Hahaha XD

Few days later, got a text message from Mariah again, she was asking if I could please email her a scan of my renewed passport as soon as possible. Slowly, I started to have the confidence in me. Maybe I am chosen for real… I started to think that way. It felt more real now that she had been contacting me a lot. Until finally, I am sure I am chosen for real! XD

However, I felt more depressed now that I am very sure. I started to get mad at almost everyone. I felt like crying all of sudden. I even went and troubled Azy when I refused to do the APB forum at last minute. I had no idea why… I was supposed to feel happy. Because I am going to Japan… but I felt depressed…

Until one day, I finally found out the answer to why I was acting in such a weird way. On 9^th September, Tuesday, I was in APB class watching Azy and the others rehearsing for the forum (I am so sorry, Azy!). Again, I got another call from HEP. She told me that a briefing would be held the next day and I had to bring my passport and insurance copy and stuffs to the briefing. And then suddenly, she started mentioning names and asked if I know any of them.

Nabil? Nope.

Rasyidah? Nope.

She kept reading out names that I don’t know. But one thing for sure, I know all those people are the people who will be going with me to Japan. Yeah, it seemed like they had chosen the other 22 people for the program. As she read out the names, I was secretly hoping and waiting for Reena and Azy’s name. But the person stopped after five names. She said, “It’s okay lah. I will just try to call them one by one” and she hung up.

Sigh…

I was still feeling down after that.

But then… My phone vibrated again. I looked at the caller ID and it was Reena… Somehow I had a good feeling about it and immediately took the call. The first she said to me was, “I AM GOING TO JAPAAAAANNN!!”

OMG!! Seriously I was so speechless!! No one can describe my feeling when I heard that sentence!! I feel happy and relieved… I am sure I would be crying if I wasn’t in a class that time :D

Then I thought… it would be awesome if Azy is chosen as well. Suddenly, I felt a vibration and it wasn’t from my phone. Nervous, I quickly searched for Azy’s phone in her bag and took it out– while she was busy rehearsing in front. I missed the call though. But one thing for sure… I KNOW THAT NUMBER! It was the same number that has been calling me so many times. YES! HEP!!

Guess what? Azy is chosen as well! So yeah!! My two close friends and I are going together! Alhamdulillah, ya Allah. I am so happy and thankful. Now I know the reason why I was feeling stressed and depressed even though I know that I am going to Japan… it was because I was scared of going alone (everyone knows I am no good with strangers or making new friends)… so yeah, with Azy and Azreena with me, I feel so… GLAD :)

Alhamdulillah. That is how it goes :) Our flight will be tomorrow btw, 29^th September 2014. I am so excited yet nervous at the same time. It has always been my dream to go to Japan but I never thought the time would be this soon :) Alhamdulillah!

I’m not bringing so much money to Japan because everything is paid by the Japanese government including food and accommodation… I only bring enough to buy some souvenirs for my family- in shaa Allah, my abang who requested a magnet – in shaa Allah, my friends – in shaa Allah and that one person whose birthday is coming soon on the 6^th October :3 In shaa Allah.

May Allah bless this trip and protect us all who are involved from anything bad. Aamiin ya Allah :)

I will definitely share my experience and all that I learn in Japan once I am back in Brunei <3 Please pray for us.

- Miki Ariake

FW August 2014 :)

Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

Hello, everyone! It has been awhile since I last posted here! Everyone! I have a lot to share! But I don’t know to start with which one Hahaha. But I guess, I should write about Freshers’ week lah first before I forgot about it ne :)

So for this year’s August Intake to UBD, I was involved as one of the committee :) Yeap, I volunteered to help out and it was one good experience!! Asdy informed me once the registration to volunteer in the event was opened, so I quickly registered together with most of the Tenacities and Rayma and Awin and some other friends. And guess what, most of the volunteers were the Tenacities!! So yeah, it was fun!! :D Because those who were in charged was the MPPs and most of the MPPs are the Tenacities, like Shah, Syafiq, Hadi, Cil and etc.

The orientation week for the Freshers was on the 20^th July until 24^th July (If I’m not mistaken) so few weeks before the event, all the registered volunteers were called for a short briefing and ice braking session. During the briefing, our position for the week was announced (yeah, it was already decided by them so we couldn’t choose what position we want). Luckily, I was put under the payment committee for the undergraduates with Jila, Azreena, Jirah, Rayma and Awin but of course in different counters. I was in charged of counter C with Awin as my partner.

When I was told that, I was quite relieved because they said for those who was put at the payment counter wouldn’t have to move around so much since all they had to do is stay at the counter and write on the receipt. So I was like, “Hohoho, can relax lah”

Relax?

Oh well, that was what I thought but yeah, it didn’t go as what I have expected. We will go into that after this :)

During the icebreaking session, I had so much fun because I was surrounded by people I know <3 Thanks to Lestari, I didn’t feel awkward at all. The Tenacities were still in our clingy mode at that time so yeah, we stuck together.

Few days before the event started, we were called again for a dry run to make sure that everything would go smoothly on the real day :) On that day, we did a rehearsal and Alhamdulillah, with that we got a little bit of ideas on how it would be on the real day. Again, because we were still in our clingy mode, we were together the whole day.

Okay, let’s just make the story short!!! :3 Hahaha  XD Finally, the event officially started on the 20^th August 2014 – oh btw, it was during the Ramadhan month so we were fasting – We volunteers arrived as early as we could to uni, so that we could get ready before the Freshers arrived that morning. I was so freaking excited!! Because it was first time involved with such kind of event and I was also excited to see the new faces! My juniors!

Volunteers under payment and submission committees were warned earlier that it would be a very busy day for us because it was the day when the Freshers came to settle their payment and submit their already completed forms. We were also told that we MUST not leave the counters even just for a while (Oh well, we couldn’t go to the toilet either).

Exactly at (I forgot the exact time), we finally opened the main door and let the Freshers who have been waiting outside came in to the hall and yeap, our work at the payment counters officially started. It only took like 30 seconds and there was already a very long line waiting in front of the counters. My excitement went poof! And nervous feeling took over. Luckily we did a dry run few days before! At least, I knew what to expect and stuffs. At first, it was awkward with the Freshers who came to my counter because…err, you know, I am not good with strangers at all. But soon, I started to enjoy myself! However, the fun didn’t even last for an hour, because the fingers on my right hand – my whole right arm, to be exact- started to feel numb :( Plus, their names are so long to write ah! Why ah you people have a very long name?

When the shift for that day was done, I couldn’t feel my fingers at all. But then, our work was not just that. We had to calculate the money and rewrite the names on the receipt on a given paper… SERIOUS, I felt so… so… the feeling is… I don’t know how to describe it but… seriously, I felt like giving up. Until, I saw someone who I have been waiting for the whole day :) That person waved at me and I felt re-energized! Thank you, you!

The first day of the Freshers’ week, ended with a SUNGKAI-OUT with the Tenacities! Etto, will talk about it on a later post :3 Ramadhan special Hahaha XD

On the second of the FW, the only payment counters opened were counter A and B so those who were in charged of counter C and D were free! Well…not really. We still had to help out with the others and this time I was assigned as an usher at submission counter :) I LOVE THIS JOB! All I had to do was making sure the Freshers fill up all the seats and to guide them to any empty/available counters. Again, at first it was awkward but then, it became enjoyable!! Some lost Freshers also approached me to ask for help and stuffs. Most of them asked about module registration. Luckily, I have enough experience on that matter and I was able to help them as much as I can :) Seriously, I felt so…amazing. Hahaha XD

Submission counters were only opened at certain time, so I had some free time too. I went into the hall and joined in the Freshers’ listening to the orientation speech :) It reminded me of my orientation days a year ago. Oh, so nostalgic.

After working as an usher at the submission counters for hours, I finally felt tired but then… saw that person from yesterday. Again, the person smiled and waved at me! Felt re-energized again! Thank you, you!

The next day, it was counter C and D turn! So I came early to prepare and open the counter. Thank God, it wasn’t as busy as the first day :D Well because most of the Freshers have already paid the days before. So my partner and I just relaxed at the counter :D Just like the submission counters, we also opened at certain time only so I had a lot of free time! I wanted to help out with those ushers who were in charged of bringing the Freshers to the library for a tour but then I couldn’t be too far from my counter so yeah, I just stayed at the hall :( I saw the person again but this time, the person didn’t have the usual smile on his face :( He looked stressed and a bit moody. I am not sure why but I felt down as well.

HOHO! The next day!! I became usher again because they closed counter C and D! This time, we had to usher them to the UBD mosque! It was a hot day and we had to stand under the sun and stuffs but it was fun! XD While ushering the Freshers girls, I saw that person on the other side of the mosque from where I was standing. I don’t know how my eyes could easily spot that person…. I was surprised myself. Lol. This time that person didn’t smile nor wave at me~ Btw, I was again reminded of my orientation days last year :) It was also during the Ramadhan month and we had a sungkai together at the mosque! I still remember Ikki-san’s pink cara Melayu <3 Cute! Err…okay, let’s move on.

Etto… did I skip a day? Wait… I forgot! I wanted to check the schedule but then I don’t remember where I put it. Heee. Oh yeah!! That day when the Freshers had their faculty session!! I don’t remember which day was that… hmm… second day? I think so because I remember I was supposed to be the videographer for FOS session but then they had to give my position to someone else because I was assigned as the usher at the submission counter!!

I am not a FOS student but I stayed until their session was over Hahaha XD Because it was fun to watch the FOS student body having an icebreaking session (games, ect) with their FOS Freshers. Even though my shift was done, I stayed until everything was finished.

Oh! I remember a funny incident during that day too!!! I was waiting for my pa to pick me up at my usual place when a group of monkeys arrived! At first I wasn’t scared and I didn’t even bother to move from the place but then, they came approaching me! With a Fresher – I don’t know who -, we ran to the other side of the road! LOL! And we laughed at ourselves. Seriously, people! SEKAMPUNG WAH AMBUK AH! There was like 20-30 of them! And they looked hungry -_-

Hmm... what else ah? Oh… on the last day… I remember… I cried. Serious, I cried! Everyone thought I cried because I felt left out… So Jirah and the others were like, “Don’t think too much… It is just your feeling. They are not leaving you out” Haha. But that is not the reason why. Only Jila understands :) She knows everything and she was always there by my side.

I cried because that person… he was losing that smile. I don’t understand myself but I am always looking forward to see his smile ever since Lestari. I am not sure how and why but his smile has become something really important to me… And I was actually secretly hoping for something to happen…

OKAY, ENOUGH! Hahaha XD I don’t want the Tenacities (some already know though) or my friends start asking me about this ‘person’ after they read this post. Oh well, I hope they are not reading this :P

I guess that’s all about Freshers’ week <3

It was fun!! I played a lot with the Tenacities. We even requested a song from UBD fm hahaha and we refused to go home until the song was played. When the song HIGH by Lighthouse Family filling the air, we all made a circle, danced and sang together :)

And I played with nini Asdy as well hahaha. 

Overall, I had a lot of fun.

Thanks for the memories. Alhamdulillah.

Here are some photos taken during the FW :)

Me, Jirah, Reena and Ayeen! Committee under payment counters :3 First day

With Carin Tenacity! 

LOL! Too close!

Candid picture by Ayeen!

Selfies (groupfies?) with Reena and Nini Asdy!

Receipt and stuffs

I think the boy in the pic looks like Ikki-san :) 

Last day photo with Jila! <3

This is me

Assalamu’alaikum.

Hei… I am sorry I am not here to talk about Raya, or PKT or…whatever… I am here because I need someone to talk to… The thing is… I have no one to talk to.

A lot of things happened…

Good things.

Bad things.

But it is always the bad things that affect me the most. No matter how happy I was before they happened, I will still forget all the happiness, all the fun when they hit me. I seriously hate how all these work.

Since university life started, I have always been surrounded by people, by friends who sincerely stay by my side without complaining. Like Azy and Azreena. I should be happy… I am happy… but the thing is I never felt I am good enough to deserve them.

They are confident, beautiful, they are kind and they always have a nice smile. And the thing that I like the most about them is that they can talk about anything. They are not afraid to express themselves. They can get angry whenever they feel like it. They can curse people who annoyed them immediately. They can do things that I can’t.

I want to be like them. I want to be able to express myself. I want to be able to talk about whatever I have in my mind. I want to be able to show it when I am mad. I want to be able to blame people. I want to be able to just do things whenever I feel like doing it!

I want to be able to say ‘I hate you’ to the people I hate. I want to be able to say ‘I don’t like it’ when people do things I don’t like to see. I want to be able to yell at people who annoyed me.

I am tired of keeping everything to myself. I am tired of pretending that I don’t mind when I really do mind. I’m tired of saying I am okay when I am not even fine. I am tired of pretending to love something that I don’t or hating something that I love.

…

…

…

My friends, they are too good for me… I feel appreciated whenever I am around them. They love me for no reasons and they never left my side. Of course, I love them too, so much that I hate myself for always troubling them.

I want to talk about things with them… I want to tell them my problems… I want to have a deep talk with them… I want to cry in front of them… I want them to hug me and say, “Its okay… everything will be fine. You are strong…”

But… whenever they ask me, “What’s wrong?”

I still end up lying, “I am okay”

In the end, I still keep everything to myself and fake a smile.

This is me.