I
really don’t understand. Why does he always get the attention? Why do people
only care about him? Why do they always prioritize him over me? What does he have
that I don’t have?
I’m
the one who is working so hard. I’m the one who never complained. I’m the one who
do whatever they tell me to do. I’m the one who passed my PSR exam with flying
colors and got into the best class in middle school. I’m the one scored my PMB
exam. I passed my O-level with more than enough Os’ needed to get into sixth
form. I’m the one who never stop trying my best even though I always felt like
giving up during the two years of sixth form. I’m the one who managed to reach
as high as being a UNIVERSITY student!
He
asks for money on every single day; only to buy those useless stuffs like cigarettes,
beautiful clothes, USELESS! I ask for money very rarely and only for something
important; books, school stuffs… I don’t have beautiful clothes in my closet… I
don’t smoke… I only buy something that I can share with my other siblings, something
that can fill their stomach, and something that can make me and them happy.
I
used my own money for stuffs that I like. The pocket money I got for school, I
keep them. Only use them for something I need, like EASI for my phone.
I
don’t care if I don’t always get what I want. I don’t care if I don’t have
beautiful clothes to wear. I don’t care if I have to eat only instant mee. Because
I understand, and I don’t want to trouble them.
When
he was away from house, living with his girlfriends, didn’t even come to visit
my parents, I was doing my best in PKBN. Under the hot son, sweating, with pain
throughout my whole body, I kept on doing my best because I wanted to go home
and live with my family again!
He
ran away from home and threatened my parents that he would only come back if
they allow him to marry. He is only eighteen years old, didn’t have any job but
he still insisted on getting married without even caring about our family
financial situation. And me, I finally got a boyfriend after 7 years but broke
up with him because ma doesn’t like him. I listened.
My
phone broke; I didn’t go to my parents asking for a new one, I waited. My
air-cond in my room broke; I don’t ask it to get fixed but just bear with it
even in hot weather. My laptop broke; I don’t go crying begging for new one.
It’s
Friday, I finally get a day off from school, I’m supposed to get under my
blanket and sleep the whole day. Because I’m tired. But I wait until ma leaves
for work and do what I should do in the kitchen. I mop the floor. I do as much
as I can. While he and his wife lock themselves in their room, sleep until the
sun is already high in the sky, spend the rest of the day watching DVD and only
come downstairs to look for food when they are hungry.
He’s
bad at choosing friends. I do as best as I can to only hang out with the good
people.
I’m
always the one who is working so hard. But why? Why is it me who get the least attention?
Can anyone explain?
I
cried, cried and cried; saying to myself that I don’t deserve this. I want more
attention paid to me. I want them to see me. TO LOOK AT ME! To care about me…
to understand me more… To make me feel that I actually belong here…
Hey there. That is how I felt everytime something upsetting happened. I am still recuperating at the moment on how I should act or behave. Especially concerning my parents. My siblings are rather troublesome at times and whenever something happens to them, I get blame for it. My mother would scold me-kind of like I was her punching bag. But in this case, I was the one where she lets out her anger.
ReplyDeleteI can understand how you feel about it. Being the eldest is somewhat a burden sometimes and at times, I feel pressured. When you mentioned you get good grades and get into a really good class in middle school, and your parents don't really (somewhat) bother and have their attention to this person you are describing, just think this way; at least you are able to be independent without bothering your parents and your parents trust you enough that you will always go for the right path.
I know, its not really that convincing but you'll eventually get it in time. So patience my dear. You have some great friends out there, right? Count on them to make you happy and don't let this get you depressed cause its not worth your time. You've got something better to do. :)
Cheers,
Unknown
I'm sorry for the late response. Hey, thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it and your comment really did help me a lot back then :) Thanks again!
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