Hei. Umm. Hello, guys.
It’s almost midnight but I really feel like letting everything out.
So I decided to just type here instead of burdening other people with my
stories – ‘curhat’.
So… today was really a bad day for me…
There was a flood in my room because someone opened the window. I
already made sure that I closed the window before I left the room because I
know it was going to rain. So when the rain poured, I didn’t worry. But then my
pa told me that the window was opened and he already closed it but he was too
late. I was shocked. I rushed upstairs to my room and found out the floor was
wet and my stuffs which I put near the window are all WET because of the rain
that poured in through the window –it was windy. My precious ‘love letters’
from the people I love. My ‘life contract’. My printer!
I really did close the window! I made sure before I went downstairs
T.T It wasn’t my pa, I know. It was my grandma… Argh! I should have locked the
room. I’m so sad…
Then my grandpa keeps threatening me that he is going to throw my
cat away. I love my cat! But he was like, “Masukkan dalam karung, simpan arah
hutan”
HARSH! HARSH! T.T
So I cried in the living room. I hate this. I hate this. We had 16
cats before. But we had to move them to somewhere else. Now, Kuning is the only
cat I have. And he said he is going to put him away too!
…
…
…
I cried. I felt like leaving the house. So I texted my ma saying
that I want to break my fast at her place. Fortunately, my ma allowed me and my
pa sent me there.
And then, there is this one friend… I am so sad! I thought both of
us were close enough to scold each other, be true to each other, taking each
other seriously and positively. But I was wrong. I was wrong all these time.
Yesterday, I was texting in the group something about this one
Ustaz that I like and she responded to it. I was so eager to share some stuffs.
But she kept using this annoying emoji. You know, the emoji that people usually
use when they are being sarcastic, something that usually come with, “Oh
Rea~lly?” I’m not sure if you get me, but it is one of the annoying emojis. It
made me feel like she was not taking me seriously and I felt like I was being
made fun of. So I honestly told her to stop using the emoji because it’s
annoying. I thought she would take that positively. But she didn’t.
Today, when we texted in the group, she wasn’t using any emoji at
all. Then our other friend –in the group- said, “Eh use emoji bah. Without
emojis, your texts look emo and dark” and she replied, “It’s okay” – without any
emoji.
Then another friend mentioned about it again, and she was like, “It’s
okay lah~” – without any emoji.
They kept encouraging her to use emoji again like she usually did
but she kept responding with just plain words.
Get it?
She is getting it back at me! In other words, she doesn’t want to
use emoji anymore because of what I said. OH COME ON! Even though she didn’t
say that it was because of me, I KNOW, OKAY! I KNOW! She is trying to make me
feel bad. And I realized something… It seems like she and the other friends had
talked about me privately. Because they seemed to know the reason why she is
not using emoji at all.
Okay. Instead of getting mad, I feel sad. I feel hurt. Seriously
hurt. I really thought we were close friends. I really thought I could talk
about anything with her and she could talk about anything with me and we would
both take everything positively. But now she is acting like that just because
of what I said to her. I was just telling her that because it was annoying… I
told her so that she would stop using it not just when she is texting with me
but with other people too. I wanted to save her face. I don’t want people to
see her as annoying – because I know she didn’t mean to be annoying at all. I
know her and I thought she knew me well that I was telling her that not because
I wanted to hurt her. I THOUGHT she would take it in positively. Well, I thought…
I was wrong.
Even though maybe she misunderstood my intention, if she really did
consider me as her close friends, she could have just said it to my face and
not hurting me by acting like how she is acting just now. She could have just
told me that what I said is making her sad… then I could say sorry and explain
it to her. But she chose to act that way.
I am so disappointed. I feel sad. I feel betrayed… Now I doubt if
what we had was REAL friendship.
I am sorry. But it is not gonna be the same anymore after this. I’m
not saying that the friendship is over; it’s just that I can’t be ME anymore in
front of her. I am sorry if I sound too emo, but it was because I took this friendship
seriously. Because she was not just anyone to me. She was a friend, one of the
friends that I trusted the most…
Its way passed midnight already. Bye.
- Miki Ariake.
